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World Mag > World Magazine Spring 2021 Edition - Courage > Ceilidh Patrick - Lose control to find YOURSELF

Ceilidh Patrick - Lose control to find YOURSELF

With all the bad things going on in the world, you deserve something good, even if that means finding it yourself.


This year has been one of the craziest, most stressful, painful and beautiful years of my young life. While I think most would agree that COVID-19 has been an unnecessary burden, in a round-about way it has given me the chance to step back and reevaluate what is important to me. 

I began 2020 by getting myself out of a very toxic relationship, one that broke me down to a point I thought I wouldn’t be able to come back from. To add insult to injury, I was also told that I would need to pack up my dorm and leave campus with two days to spare. I felt
the proverbial rug being pulled from under my feet. 

Where was I going to go? Am I going to lose my friends? How am I going to continue going to school? 

These fears were at the forefront of my brain, and admittedly still are some days. There are times when I can barely get out of bed, which is a lot to ask in the middle of a pandemic. I ended up moving halfway across the country to live with my aunt, whom I hadn’t seen in eleven years. Despite us not talking very much, she opened her door, no questions asked. For the first time in a decade, I got to spend time with my extended family, to rekindle the bonds that had been stretched over time. I also had to learn the difficult lesson that for some people out of sight equals out of mind, so I did lose some friends, which hurt more than words can describe. But through that pain came new bonds. At the time I was working full-time, which meant I spent every drop of free time with my coworkers. We developed unbreakable friendships because we were the only social interactions each other had; we cried, laughed, shared stories and bonded over unprecedented circumstances, and nothing will take that from us.

It’s a strange thing that happens when you’re forced to change your way of life so drastically. You’re forced to look at things in a new light. Things that I thought were important a year ago, hold no place anymore. I no longer have time for things that don’t make me happy, I’ve found that my energy is better spent on things that I love. This world is too full of unhappy things right now without me making any of my own. This goes for people too. Though hard to do, I can say that I only surround myself with people who build me up instead of breaking
me down. People who, despite not being blood related to me, I would not hesitate to call my family. 

This year has also given me the ability to refocus my interests at school, I have been able to spend more time on specialties, earning an undergraduate certificate in criminology and an undergraduate diploma in police studies, which I don’t think I would have been able to do under normal circumstances. I’m not saying I’m an advocate for isolation, I think – and know firsthand – how hard it can be to be alone for so long. What I am saying is, this year has forced me to step outside of myself, it has allowed me to discover myself as a person rather than as a part of a group, which I think is so important for university students. 

What makes YOU happy? What do YOU want to do with your life? I miss my friends and school more than I can say, but in a very cliché way I don’t think it's helpful for me to dwell on things like when campus will reopen, or when things will get back to normal. I try to remain grateful for the things I can experience, like tje opportunity to strengthen the bonds with my loved ones and myself, or the time to focus on school. With all the bad things going on in the world, you deserve something good, even if that means finding it yourself.

Celidh Patrick

Read the entire World Magazin Spring 2021 edition here 

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